Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Just Friends
I love Lang Leav. She pens down the feelings of fear/ inadequacy/ insecurities with such precision that I would never be able to describe with my standard of English. This poem is exactly, exactly, exactly about me. * Self hug*
I've also been reading a lot of Thought Catalog to help me understand myself better.
To help me understand what other people are thinking and to help me understand if it's ok to feel the way I do sometimes....
I am very confused. He loves me. I know it.
He envelopes his arms around me and reminds me that all my insecurities are unfounded because at the end of the day, I am always the person in his arms.
He strokes my hair and kisses my forehead before we fall asleep.
He draws me back into his arms whenever I move away at night.
He has never walked out on me no matter how angry I have made him.
He travels down deliberately from the west to the east to accompany me for dinner.
He buys me food and makes me redoxon when i am ill.
He buys me happy food when I have cramps.
He unbuckles the straps of my heels for me.
He holds my hair when I need to puke.
He entertains my friends
I think he loves me me.
Thought Catalog# How to tell if someone loves you
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
But then I think he doesn't.
He likes me, and is infatuated with me, but he doesn't love me.
I am not enough, i know.
Thought Catalog # The one who wants to be with you
The one who doesn’t want you is always hanging out with other people who aren’t you, talking about other people and making excuses for why they don’t have more time for you. They always talk about how busy they are and how full their schedule is, but they aren’t that busy. Their life is full with friends and acquaintances and a bunch of people who are tagged on Facebook smiling in photos with them. None of these people are you, and if they wanted you, those people would be you.
Thought Catalog# What love shouldn't feel like
Love shouldn’t consist of waiting around to hear from the person you care infinitely about. That’s the worst. Sitting by your phone, waiting on pins and needles for something – anything from them. The phone might vibrate, but it’s beyond disappointing when it turns out to be a text from somebody else. It aches your heart to know that they’re somewhere out there, completely unfazed by your absence. We can convince ourselves that the subpar phone service failed to deliver our lover’s text, or prevented their call – but we know the chances of that are slim. And sure, we could just contact them, but when you initiate conversations regularly, it’d be nice to have that attention reciprocated. Love shouldn’t feel like being wide-awake until 3am; wishing, hoping, praying for a measly phone call from the one you adore. Love shouldn't be uncertainty
But I love him, I love him, I love him.
I think he is cute even with his bed hair and ugly fringe. I don't mind hiding at the tiniest spot in his room the next day as long as i get to sleep in his arms at night.
I bring lunch with little notes to his office
If I had $10, I would spend $1.50 on myself and $8.50 on him.
I bring him barley when there's haze, i buy him vitamin c when he's falling sick.
I want to care for him and make him happy.
And most importantly, I know I love him because i let him do anything that makes him happy even though it makes me sad.
Thought Catalog# How I know I love you
"I know I love you because I think you’re beautiful even when you’re not. And I don’t mean good-looking, I mean beautiful, beautiful like there’s something pervasive and magnetic about you that comes through even when you look positively bad"
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