Wzhn Allie

Thought Catalog:

"And then there were times when I was so happy that I couldn’t even enjoy it because I kept thinking about how sad I would be when it would end. I thought that I had to search for more—in retrospect, I think it’s true. I believe that I always need to keep reaching, stop worrying about the sustainability of my states of bliss, stop worrying about the potential pain I might experience in my pursuit of happiness. And I think I can live with that. All of my openness that leads to feeling foolish or embarrassed, rejected or discouraged: it’s such a small price to pay. At least I could rest easy knowing that I had told him my truths

I never really knew if I was doing things right (is sending this text appropriate? do I call him my boyfriend when I talk about him to my coworkers?) but I felt sure that we were doing a pretty good job at being happy together, even if it was only for short bouts of time."

I used to be this person. Perpetually waiting for something bad to happen because nothing good ever happens to me... I also don't feel safe being happy because I fear falling out of it. But he makes me want to take the leap of faith for him.... I've learnt to be more optimistic. The kind of love he gives to me , helps me grow as a person and I admire that about him. I like that I can rely on him for advices. There were many things I didn't understand , but gradually did after he had explained them to me.  I can be really childish and emotional sometimes. So him having the patience for me ( despite him being hot headed himself ) makes me want to put down all my defences. I hope his patience for me wil never cease.  Is it weird to say that I look up to him somehow? I like how I want to be better for him, it was never something I found myself doing in the past. That said, our love isn't merely the flat old comfortable kind of love. He  still sets fireworks in my heart. He is my shelter. <3 

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you   

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever”