So incredible upset about my life. There are many things that I wouldn't admit other than on this space itself. I feel incredibly useless and everything isn't going smoothly for me at all..... I feel completely helpless. Basically it's just school, it's making me feel so bad about myself. I pay so much every sem to pay for a F grade. What is this???????? And then I channel this unhappiness to my friends and people around me this is so horrible. I feel horrible about myself. I'm a bad person. When something goes wrong, it's always not my fault. It's never my fault. I always have an excuse for myself. I'm becoming so lazy, I'm always "busy" but I'm actually just rolling on my bed like half the time. My mind drifts off somewhere every time I try to do something. ( Like right now, I'm in class and what am I doing? Blogging about how unhappy I am in this irksome place, I really need to grow up ) What's the good in crying all the time. I'm 20, not 2. Growing up is tough. Sometimes I wish I was born in a third world country so I don't have to study. I really wonder why they make us study shit that no one gives 2 fucks about? I have reached this point that I deem everything as useless and lame and not worth my time. If so, what is? I don't even see a point in studying because I end up failing all the same. Why waste time.
It really sucks. I feel defeated whenever I put time and effort into something, and all I get back is .... nothing. I am so tired really. We live to die. Our stay in the this world is so unfulfilling. We are just wasting time till the day we die. We are living to wait for death. Does that even make sense? Ultimately, we will all be reduced to ash. So it really doesn't matter how we spend our time alive.... To live is to suffer indeed. And I need to stop wallowing in self pity. I need to stop imposing my views on others. Like how I feel that other people are ashamed of having me as a friend just because I feel that I'm not enough to be one. Life. is. as. such. Bahhh... I need infinite security, someone please.
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