2am. I'm painfully upset over nothing. The scientist is playing and it's making me feel perfectly heavy hearted. I could have skipped the song but instead I found myself indulging in this melancholy. I'm the girl who chooses to be sad all the time. Cy once told me I like to make something out of nothing just to find something to fight about. Thank god for his patience, we've passed that phase. Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Who would choose something to fight about when everything is going well? Me. And right now I think I am in one of those moods. I really don't think I deserve to be happy... Whenever I'm too happy I'll start finding problems to fuss about, I can't help it. The shadows of my past can't let this awful part of me be tamed. I don't want to think that everything is going well and only get a slap in my face back for being naive, for misreading the signs. If I prepare myself for all bad things that are going to come, I promise it'd be less upset when they really happen. It'd just be another " I knew it" instead of " I never see that coming"
I miss being safe.
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